she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
