This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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