Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
