I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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