Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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