Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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