I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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