Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
