i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
