I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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