You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
