Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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