my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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