I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
