Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
