The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
