Tell her she can't have a vagina
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
