I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
