so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
