Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
