I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The Olympian is in my bed
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
