Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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