u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just forgot I was standing up.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize