here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
