If i come over, it means nothing
She said her name was "party"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
MIDGETS
????
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
