note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
