My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
