I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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