Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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