I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As shirtless as possible
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize