Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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