the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
