he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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