sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
