I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
