I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
