My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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