Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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