Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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