Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
