I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
