woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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