Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
