I think I am morally bankrupt
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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