he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
