All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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