so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
