If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize