I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
