Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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