This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You made out with two different species that night
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
