I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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