i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
