yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
