Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
