sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My vagina just clenched in fear
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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