New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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