i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
