Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize