So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
