Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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