Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
