My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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