After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
even my farts smell like vagina
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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