Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
