Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

do you want me to make hamburgers?

(541): View more from Oregon

i'm vegan

(209): View more from California

i'll put lettuce on them

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(216): View more from Ohio

It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.

Fav 23 3622 1029
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(316): View more from Kansas

i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes

Fav 25 5797 1941
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.

Fav 22 6544 2339
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(360): View more from Washington

You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?

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(217): View more from Illinois

yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think

Fav 15 1576 783
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(775): View more from Nevada

Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to

Fav 7 1248 686
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(937): View more from Ohio

I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!

Fav 2 551 318
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(914): View more from New York

But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs

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