I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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