I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
