how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
