is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
