Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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