peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize