we have pet lesbian snakes
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
