he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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