just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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