My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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