I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
