The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
