My nipple is on Facebook.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
