I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
