I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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