The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
