Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
