I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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