True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
