just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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