Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
